We've been fielding a lot of questions lately about the proper way to initiate the Nipyata experience at a social gathering. Lisa from Yonkers asked, "Do I actually need to string it up and have people swing at it? I'm pretty lazy and don't want to be that girl at the party telling people what to do..." Frank in Pawtucket phoned in a question: "It's just going to be me and a few buddies, what's the best way to utilize our Nipyata! to get the maximum results?" Paula in Somerville asked, "What if i just want to cuddle with my Stay Classy and pull the nips out gently by hand? Is that okay? Or is that just weird?"
These are all valid questions. Not everyone is comfortable being the Type A asshole bossing people around, blindfolding other douchebags, shouting at drunken idiots to swing harder or higher. Here's a few ways to handle your Nipyata! that will make you feel much more comfortable when you walk into a patio party with a Stay Classy underarm.
The Chick Magnet - Whether you're a group of guys going out on the town, or a pride of cougars looking for young meat, a night at the bars with a Nipyata! will help attract sexual partners. You can bring the blindfold for added sexual tension- heck even the smashin' stick could come in handy. Make sure your Nipyata! is in plain view either on top of someone's shoulder as you enter each establishment or positioned proudly on top of the bar or table. Reach your hands into the insides of your Nipyata! to find delicious nips and hand them out as bait to help attract your prey. Arm locked nip swigs lead to late night debauchery.
The Friendly Enabler - A creative friend of mine used the Hanging Twine to secure his Nipyata! like a messenger bag. He walked around the party handing out nips from the partially opened Nipyata! This will make you a ton of friends and there is no violence required. Leave the Blindfold and Smashin' Stick at home. Get your friends nipped with zero violence.
The NIPYATA! Fanatic - If you're going for that psychotic / funny move, string up your Nipyata! when the party is least expecting it. Don't even tell anyone what you're doing and don't let anyone else have a swing. Maybe in the back corner of the yard, when nobody is watching. Then smash it to bits by yourself, scream loud obscenities and run around like a crazy person. Then once your're goood and sweaty and out of breath, bring an armful of nips back to the party. Keep repeating "That was awesome," over and over again to yourself as you hand out the nips. Most likely you'll never be invited back. But at least you've proven you're a Nipyata! fanatic.
The NIPYATA! Surprise - An advanced Nipyata! maneuver is to strategically hide the Nipyata so that your hungover party host will find it when they are doing their mandatory depressed post-party clean up. Usually sad and hungover, this person will need a pick me up surprise and a Nipyata is just the trick! We recommend hanging the Nipyata in the coat closet, on the shower rod in the bathroom or stash it in the passenger seat of their car. They can grab a nip or two to make their recovery day that much better!
The Revenge Nipyata! - Nothing like leaving a Nipyata! for an ex-boss, ex-boyfriend or ex-wife with some cheapo warm vodkas / tequilas. We recommend getting especially nasty with your custom Nipyata! Fortunes! "John is tiny down there!" or "Vanessa has crabs!" would work well for the fortunes in your amazing purchase.