We know there are people out there who anxiously await Thanksgiving every year, wondering if this is the year they’ll finally graduate from the kids table. It’s any number of reasons as to why these people are forced to sit with their younger (or degenerate) cousins, invalid grandparents, and the strange, reclusive, neighborhood acquaintance who was invited to one Thanksgiving years ago and somehow keeps showing up ten years later. But the family as a whole has determined that it’s for the greater good to keep these people away from the more mature and enlightened conversation that flows like wine around the grownup table.
For these people, we have a suggestion: Show up this Thanksgiving with a Stay Classy Burrito, packed to the hilt with your choice of nips and personalized Nipyata! Fortunes. Your boozy relatives will love it, and you'll also get the message across to your creepy uncle Larry (“You are a perv, Larry”), or your well-off great-aunt Tilly to secure your spot in her will (“You’re my favorite aunt, Tilly!”), or your hot cousin, Jasmine (“Jasmine is hot!”) – whoa, what?! No wonder why you’re still at the kids table, weirdo.
Family dysfunction aside, make an effort this year to earn your spot at the grownups table. If you don’t, you’ll be watching from the kids table again as grandpa dumps the gravy boat down his pants; you've had a front-row seat to that spectacle for far too long, amigos.